forgiveness

Forgiveness isn't easy for me. I let pride get in the way. My ego is so fragile at times I feel like, "I'd rather die!" than have mercy on someone who's hurt me. 

Maybe I'm exaggerating. 

... I can be a bit of a drama queen. 

Or maybe, SOME people don't deserve it because they're the worst

Okay, okay, that's not true, and I know it. Deep down in my soul (drama) I know we ALL deserve forgiveness. 

Maybe it stems from some suppressed guilt I have. 

I've done things, I'm not proud of. I've said things that've hurt others. I've lied out of fear. I've lied out of denial, shame... etc. I'd like to believe I've learned many lessons in finding the courage to be honest. At the same time, I  don't think I'm finished. 

Life brings you the same problem over an over until you've mastered it's lesson. (I believe a famous writer has said this, I just can't remember which one.) 

Point is, I'm still struggling with the same problem that continues to arise in my life. 

I'm 33 and I still can't shake it. 

Alas, there is hope. At least, I'd like to believe so. God help me, if I'm an old lady and still trying to figure this shit out.